rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize