People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
