Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
