yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
