I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
