We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
birth control should be required to get into college
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i now understand why vodka
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
