In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
