??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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