I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
