I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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