and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
