whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
