I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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