Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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