This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
