I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
