you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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