Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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