Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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