I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
