I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
