If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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