It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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