birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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