you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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