Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
