Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
