I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
