yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
