i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
