where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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