Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
