I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize