I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize