Swine flu. Run for my life!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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