So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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