she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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