i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
