i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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