I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
