Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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