Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
