I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
