I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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