I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
