She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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