Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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