Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This baby is an asshole
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize