Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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