your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
