The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
