so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
