he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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