I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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