is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
