wakey wakey hands off snakey
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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