I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
