I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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