3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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