Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She told me I should be a condom model.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
