well I can't set my house on fire every night
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
