i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
