imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
