I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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