So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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