Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
