She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
