My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
