made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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