Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
ok first of all what the fuck
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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