you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
